He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
