Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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