someone threw a dead crab at me
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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