last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
