Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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