do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
