Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
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