Duck Duck Cougar?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
