if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize