My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
