Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
