thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
