I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
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