i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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