Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize