I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
