saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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