I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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