So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
