Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
