Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
