just come out here and I will go home with you...
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
