You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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