You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
