Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
