the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
