her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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