I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
