fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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