I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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