Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
