My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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