my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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