Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
