do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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