well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
