i wish peter jackson would direct porn
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
