OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
