PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
