This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
