I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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