It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
