remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
