I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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