At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
