at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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