I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
