Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
