I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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