Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Randomize
