I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
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I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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