hotel room ftw
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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