Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
If that was your dad, he is hot
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
