Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
