SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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