the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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