If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
The convent might be a nice break from real life
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS