I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
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he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
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He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.