So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
I'm going to Hell for sure
never play flip cup with pint glasses
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
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she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
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Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.