I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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