...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.