I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
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Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
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When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.