How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.