the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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