guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
