my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
