i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
