wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
