do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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