I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
