my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
