she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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