Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
did i walk over a car last night?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
