All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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