Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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