is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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