I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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